Why I run.

I am training for a ½ marathon in the fall.  2 ½ marathons to be exact.  I decided to run 2 half marathons 2 weeks apart when I must have been having a lapse in judgment.  Because now the idea of that is overwhelming and affecting how I feel about running.

I began running about 12 years ago and did it regularly for about 2 years.  I started running because I’d had enough of paying for gym memberships and not using them because I hated “having” to work out.  At that time I decided to get my exercise doing things I enjoyed on my own time.  I got back into soccer and joined several teams which led to ultimate Frisbee teams and floor hockey teams.  I was in good shape and having fun!  Running also became important and fun to me.  I loved the results of it and never felt better as when I was running.

I left running for about 10 years when I started walking dogs for a living.  The dog walks were my exercise.  I tried to start back up a couple of times over the years but I never had the motivation and never stuck with it.  But a year ago I convinced Kate to start running and to register for a few races to keep us going.  My ultimate goal was to do the Weekend to End Women’s Cancers this year.  It was a slow start for me because of my schedule last summer, but I was happy to be running again and the results were immediate – I lost weight and felt great about myself!  Then we trained for the Winterman Half Marathon in February and it was a challenge at times in the winter to run in the snow and ice, but it felt great to rise to the challenge and we finished the race.  But once we were done I was happy to go back to running with no schedule.  No plan.  No distances.  And then I had to go and register for 2 ½ marathons back to back.

Fast forward to today.  I’m having a very hard time mentally training for these half marathons.  I remember feeling the pressure at the end of the last ½ training schedule to stick with it and I’m feeling that same pressure now.  My goals to keep me running seem to actually be working against me. I’m struggling with meeting the training plan and finding the time to enjoy the other things I like about summer.  So I’m re-examining why I run.  Do I run to challenge myself and beat my PB’s?  Or do I run to stay in shape, drink beer and eat fries guilt free?  Do I run to spend time with my friends and exercise my dogs?  Or do I run to race in organized events?  Am I struggling because of the heat?  Or am I struggling because it’s just not fun anymore?  These last few weeks I’ve learned a few things about myself and what I want to get out of running.  I have a friend who runs regularly and never races.  She has no interest in it.  I’m beginning to see why.

I enjoy running because it is free and I can do it on my own schedule.  I started running as a way to exercise doing something I enjoy without the pressures of feeling the need to run because I had spent money on it.  Right now I feel like I’m running because I registered for the ½ marathons which in total cost me $175 and if I bail, I’m out $175. But is that reason to stick with something I’m not enjoying?  I don’t think so, not for me anyway.  Anything I do to exercise I want to do because I enjoy it, not because I feel like I have to.

I enjoy running because I enjoy the results.  My legs feel strong, I easily and quickly lose weight while running, my general health is better, I eat better and when I want to eat junk I don’t feel guilty about it. 

I enjoy running because I like the social aspect of it.  I like talking about running with my runner friends.  I like going for runs with friends and catching up on life.  I love running with my dogs.  I like being a “runner”.  It makes me feel good about myself.

I enjoy running because it gets me outside, winter or summer, rain or shine, snow or wind.  I generally run in all conditions and feel strong because of it – like I can do anything.  I get to enjoy the beautiful countryside and city that I live in in a different way than I would by not running.

I enjoy running because I can get inside my head and problems because less of a problem after a run, and life seems to be less challenging after a run.  Endorphins are a good thing to help with my state of mind.  Running has gotten me through break ups with boyfriends and challenges with my business.  Sometimes I just want to run to change my state of mind, and it works.

I enjoy running because I can run a quick 3K if that is all I have time for, or a 10K if I have the time and the energy.  Both can seem easy, and both can seem a challenge, depending on the day.

I enjoy running because I do enjoy race day.  I like the atmosphere of being a part of something bigger than myself.  I like the accomplishment of completing the race.  But I think that I need to stick to distances 10K or less.  Those seem to be my comfort zone.  I like 10K.

I enjoy running.  What I don’t enjoy is training.  I don’t enjoy the pressure of training.  The need to have a good pace.  The need to go farther, faster, stronger.  The inability to enjoy other things because I have to save my energy for running.  I don’t rollerblade, ski, etc. because I either don’t have the time or I don’t have the energy after all of my training runs. I don’t enjoy having to run 6K when I only feel like doing 4K.  Training sucks.

So tonight I decided to take the training pressure off of myself.  While it is supposed to be contributing to my exercise through the training schedule, I actually find it is inhibiting me.  I can’t get the mental energy up to stick with the schedule.  It is stressing me out.  And it is no fun.  All I can think about when I'm running is when it will be over and how much I hate running.  So the pressure is off.  If I feel up to running the ½ marathons in the fall then I will.  And if I don’t I won’t.  But only time will tell.

Now, I’m going to have a beer.